Friday Levity 2008.09.26

My youngest daughter is a poor, starving college student (her opinion, not mine). And she thinks I should still support her (her and Mrs.T's opinion, not mine). When she asks me to buy her something, my standard response is always "No", and then I negotiate upward (typically Mrs.T gets involved at this stage in the process). I then ultimately buy what she had initially asked for. I fully understand that I have no real chance during these negotiations, but the process makes me feel better anyway. And, let's not fool ourselves…she and her mother seldom bother to come to me regarding most of their purchases. Their standard operating procedure is "Better to ask forgiveness than permission". Today, we "need" (her opinion, not mine) to buy a new cell phone. I despise buying cell phones. Of course, the cell phone makers no longer have the model she currently owns, so we will be required to buy a new, more expensive model, which means, of course, that we also will need to buy a new car charger and other miscellaneous accessories. I have officially added cell phones to my ever growing list of "necessary evils" which also includes food, electricity, running water, housing, cars, insurance, computers, Internet, clothing and In-laws.
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As I pulled off the highway into my subdivision yesterday evening, there were two young men standing beside an old pickup, its hood raised. It was obvious this truck had seen its better days (long ago). I stopped, rolled down my window and asked them if there was anything I could do to help them. One of them nodded toward the pickup and calmly stated, "Gets too hot and starts coughing, spitting, backfiring and finally quits running, but will be fine after a drink of water and a chance to cool down". I nodded, wished them luck and then continued on my way. Sadly, I could relate very well to that old pickup because I have the same symptoms any time I exercise...
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Q: When you apply for Welfare in Mexico, what does that Government give you?
A: The map of the United States
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The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman.

"What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" asked the officer.

"I'm going to a lecture", replied the man.

"And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked.

"My wife.", replied the man.
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I was waiting tables in a noisy lobster restaurant in Maine when a vacationing Southerner stumped me with a drink order. I approached the bartender. "Have you ever heard of a drink called 'Seven Young Blondes'?" I asked. He admitted he'd never heard of it, and grabbed a drink guidebook to look it up. Unable to find the recipe, he then asked me to go back and tell the patron that he'd be happy to make the drink if he could list the ingredients for him.

"Sir," I asked the customer, "can you tell me what's in that drink?"

He looked at me like I was crazy. "It's wine," he said, pronouncing his words slowly and carefully, "Sauvignon blanc".
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And some quotes….
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Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain
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By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. -Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury - Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. -- Jimmy Durante

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
- Alex Levine

Money can't buy you happiness .. But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. - Spike Milligan

My version of that quote: "Money can't buy you happiness, but I'd sure like to give it a try"