Friday Levity 09.05.2008

I'm going to address something this week which is an uncomfortable topic for most people. Not only is it uncomfortable, it will continually trouble those who don't come to grips with it. It often causes us to stare and/or be stared at. It sometimes causes us to avoid eye contact entirely. Some people actually try to deal with it by taking corrective and/or preventive measures, but alas, it's all in vain. Sometimes you just feel better because yours isn't as bad as theirs. It's happening right now as you read this. It's a constant in life. And it happens to most everything, living or not. It happened to my utility room door this week. There are things you can do to mask it. There are things you can do to make it temporarily disappear, but it will be back. It's relentless. There are things humans can wear to make it look better or attempt to hide it. At times, people should be wearing more (not less), because quite frankly there are things in life I'd just rather not see. It's a topic that you won't hear talked about around the water cooler…perhaps in the locker room, but not in social circles. Men typically won't broach the subject with women, although a woman will sometimes talk about herself (which is perfectly acceptable as long as you don't agree with her). However, a female will often and readily make a male aware his own affliction.
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Some of you might be guessing "hair loss". That certainly would have been a valid guess, with the exception of my utility room door. Perhaps you're guessing "weight gain". No way. Not going there. It's actually a very small word containing only three letters but carrying a heavy punch. Quite frankly, it might as well be classified as one of our dreaded four letter words not be used in social situations. I can attest that it has certainly done its fair share of damage to me. And quite frankly, from my vantage point, many of you haven't escaped its snare either. It's a word with many synonyms including "drooping, wilting, floppy, baggy, slumped, dropped, lolling, dipping or hanging down" Yes, folks, I have "sag". And don't be so quick to snicker. You too, my friend, are sagging, regardless of your age. You might not be sagging as badly as some, but it's happening. And I doubt you'll be as lucky as my utility room door. It had a loose screw and I was able to fix it…at least for a while. I seriously doubt that fixing one of your loose screws will yield the same results.
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But take heart. There is a silver lining to this story. Much of you" is migrating south, inching ever closer to the ground, and should you ever fall, much of you won't have far to go. A wise man once said, "It's not the fall that hurts...it's that sudden stop". Thus, the shorter distance you have to go, the better off you'll be. Embrace your sagginess. It's certainly embracing you.
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Quasimodo goes to a doctor for his annual checkup.

"I think something is wrong with your back," the doctor says.

"What makes you say that?" Quasimodo asks.

"Just a hunch", the doctor replied.
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A friend of mine acquired two new dogs and named them Rolex and Timex. They're watch dogs.
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Punny stuff…
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A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
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She was only a simply country whisky maker but he loved her still.
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It's better to love a short girl than not a tall.
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To some - marriage is a word ... to others - a sentence.
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Sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center: 'Keep off the Grass'.