Friday Levity 2008.11.21

Potato Chips. Another nemesis. I can't eat just one, unless there was only one in the bag when I started. In my opinion, a single chip left in the bag is one of life's gravest social blunders. Quite frankly, there can only be two acceptable excuses for leaving a single chip in the bag: You fell asleep or you passed out.
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I often use chips as an appetizer while waiting for Mrs.T to cook my supper. If she doesn't like me eating them as an appetizer, she should cook faster. I also have chips as an early evening snack. And for a late evening snack. And, sometimes, a middle of the night snack. MrsT doesn't like it me eating chips because she thinks they raise my blood pressure. I've tried hinting to her that it isn't the chips that raising my blood pressure. I have come to the conclusion what our society needs a new law, requiring that all jewelry stores prominently display a sign next to the engagement/wedding rings: "Permanently increases blood pressure in the male species". The high blood pressure begins with the discussion of a ring, it continues through the process of shopping for the ring and then continues through the process of paying for the ring. And, quite frankly, you never stop paying for that ring...
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Seen in the classifieds:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old. Hateful little bugger. Bites!

FREE ; ; ;PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.

FREE PUPPIES.. Mother, AKC German Shepherd. Father, Super Dog...able
to leap tall fences in a single bound.

FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG . Looks like a rat . Been out a while. Better be
a big reward!

COWS,CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale.

NORDICTRACK $300 Hardly used, call Chubby.

GEORGIA PEACHES California grown - 89 cents/lb.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer $300.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE . Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie .

FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica,45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer No longer needed, Got married last month. Wife knows everything
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Several years ago, when I lived in Nigeria, I was once pulled over in Lagos by a large and very irate traffic cop.
“What color am I ?” he demanded.
I stammered in embarrassment, and mumbled something like, “Black” or “Dark Brown”.
“No I am not,” he cried, without a hint of humor.
“When I am like this” - and he raised his right palm above his head - “I am red”.
And then, waving his palm backwards over his shoulder, he added, “and when I am like this I am green.”
“Do not drive past me again when I am red!!!”
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Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, your favorite drink in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO HOO what a ride!”
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A Friday Riddle:
Q: What is 40 years old, in denial, glares at you when threatened, glares at you when not threatened, stomps its feet when mad, stomps it feet when demanding your attention, threatens you when cornered, threatens you when not cornered and is continually using postures and gestures in an attempt to make itself appear taller than it will never be?
A: My co-worker Rhonda in Human Resources has the answer to this riddle. And while you're there, wish her a happy birthday (Nov 26).
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