Friday Levity 2008.11.07

I was headed out one evening to take a walk and as per usual, MrsT wanted to go with me. She always wants to go with me. Go figure. I like to think it's because she's crazy about me. Realistically, she's probably just crazy. I waited impatiently while she put on her shoes and reflective vest and applied lip gloss protection and sunscreen (although it was almost dark outside). We were FINALLY headed for the door when she paused to browse the daily mail on the kitchen counter. After a few moments, she continued on toward the door but paused once again, this time to browse $1 rebate form on the table...she had received it as a result of her spending $1000 at the mall (she had also received a 10% off coupon for her next visit so she was stoked!). My patience had expired, and I informed her that she was A-D-D (Attention Deficient Disorder). She calmly returned the rebate form to the table, nonchalantly headed for the door once again and stated, "I think you are B-U-T". I'm not a doctor, and I hadn't slept at a Holiday Inn Express recently, but I was pretty confident that she wasn't trying to flatter me with her diagnosis of my behavior. In fact, she concluded her diagnosis by informing me that she could add another "T" on the end of her diagnosis if I was having any trouble understanding my affliction.
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One of my co-workers told me that he wished he could meet MrsT the next time she was in the office visiting me. I suspect that he thinks I take editorial liberties with regard to MrsT. Because he is a male and because he is one of my co-workers means that he already has two strikes against him. He should be careful what he wishes for...
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JoeG, a fellow co-worker is leaving us today. You gotta love a guy that got ordained on the Internet, who wears a smile almost all of the time and has a BIG BLUE FLAME tattoo on his forearm! Suffice to say, Joe has a different "slant" on life. I don't think anyone (including Joe) has quite figured out what that slant is all about, but there is no doubt that he's slanting! Father Joe, I wish you the best. Break-a-leg!
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This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?”
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there isn't nothing wrong with your eyesight....”
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!”
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”
The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”
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What do you call a monkey in a minefield ? A BaBoom!
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Boss To Employee: Why aren't you working?
Employee: I didn't see you coming.
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FEMALE BUMPER STICKERS
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Behind every successful woman is herself.
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Oh my gosh, I think I'm becoming the man I wanted to marry!
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Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards and in high heels.

A woman is like a tea bag … you don't know how strong she is until you put her in hot water.
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I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
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So many men, so few who can afford me.
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Coffee, chocolate, men ... some things are just better rich.
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Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen.
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I'm out of estrogen and I have a gun.
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Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
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Of course I don't look busy ... I did it right the first time.
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Do not start with me. You will not win.
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All stressed out and no one to choke.
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I can be one of those bad things that happens to bad people.
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How can I miss you if you won't go away ?
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Don't upset me! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
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If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.