Friday Levity 10.31.2008

Mrs. T never passes up a chance to remind me I'm old. Recently, I took a few days of vacation to work around the house and enjoy the great Fall weather. As she was leaving for work one morning, she said, "Don't do any stupid or dangerous today". In my younger days, that would have meant climbing up in trees with a chainsaw or hanging from the roof to repair a top story window. Now it means standing on a step stool to change a light bulb or bending over to tie my shoes or not wearing my seat belt....pffft...I bet I'm the only guy who has a seat belt on his riding lawnmower…just because I fell asleep ONE time while mowing the yard. Sheesh. I wonder why she even cares about my safety other than my 401K keeps building in value. However, with the recent economy, I've noticed she's been encouraging me to mow and mulch several times a week...and ironically, she has stopped reminding me to buckle up…hmmm…and she reminded me last night that our security light, located at the very peak of our very tall roof, is burned out and should be changed...
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I got stopped by a policeman recently. He completely understood my reasoning for erratic driving when I explained that just because I was behind the wheel, it was Mrs. T who was actually doing all the driving, as per usual. Of course, it helped that my son is on the police force and his fellow officers had the inside scoop on Mrs.T. I asked the young officer what he was doing to do if he ever had to stop Mrs.T, to which he replied, "Call for backup".
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It's Halloween, and I expect my co-worker Roy to come by my desk with his annual observation: "So, you dressed up as a grumpy old man again? Great costume!" He's one of the big reasons why we stopped letting people from the Netherlands into the United States. We just cannot take a chance of having any more Roys here.
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A guy goes into the doctor's office. There is a banana stuck in one of his ears, a carrot stuck in one nostril and a cucumber in the other ear.

The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?"

The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you're not eating right."
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"Being in therapy is great. I spend an hour just talking about myself. It's kind of like being the guy on a date." --Caroline Rhea
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"In disturbing medical news, a new study of 1,000 Americans finds that obesity in the United States has gotten so bad that there were actually, upon closer scrutiny, only 600 Americans involved in the study." ---Dave Barry
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