Friday Levity 04.11.2008

An American cultural icon is on the verge of becoming extinct. The ice CUBE. Before you dismiss me entirely, give me a chance. You know why it's called an ice cube? Because of its shape! It's supposed to be in a CUBE shape! CUBES are a great shape for ice! What's happened to good old fashioned ice cubes? Ice makers in refrigerators! I despise them. These makers don't make ice cubes!!! They make annoying "ice half-circles"!!! Seldom do I ever fail to drop at least one on the floor while trying to get a heaping handful of them in my glass. It's a stupid design and difficult to hang on to. A piece of ice in a half circle shape is not natural. And I hate it when they create a log jam when they conform to the round shape of my glass, requiring me to stick my finger in the glass to rearrange them, or continually shake the glass in an attempt to rearrange the ice. And, invariably this log jam causes me to spill my drink on me while attempting to take a drink. Mrs. T says my inability to grasp these half-circles of evil, nor my inability to drink without drooling, has NOTHING to do with the shape of the ice, but rather, it has EVERYTHING thing to do with my genes. On numerous occasions, she has tried unsuccessfully to throw away my old blue Wal-Mart ice CUBE trays...I always find them and dig them out of the trash (there are benefits to be responsible for taking the trash out to the curb each week!). We need those blue ice trays…there is NO way I'm going to play a part in the demise of this piece of Americana. And without those trays, Kool-Aid cube pops would be the next piece of Americana to go. And besides, Kool-Aid poured in an ice maker doesn't work well…I can't believe Mrs. T got so upset…I thought the colored ice we had for weeks was kind of pretty...
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I went to the cemetery yesterday and there were 4 pall bearers walking around with a coffin. Three hours later they were still walking around with it. I thought to myself: "Those idiots have lost the plot."
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"Being rich may not make you happy, but at least you can buy your own brand of misery."
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My neighbor works in the I.T. department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a bloke in one of the branches who had this question:

'I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire in the main frame?'
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The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.
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The old priest suggests, "Cross you arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand."
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The new priest tries this.
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The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like, "I see, yes, go on, and I understand. How did you feel about that?'"
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The new priest says those things, trying them out.
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The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying 'Oh wow, no way! What happened next?'