Vacation - Scotland - Segment 1

Well, I’m currently in the process of preparing to travel to Scotland to see my daughter Kendra, and the man who stole her stole her from me, married her and then took her away to Scotland. Most people call him Zach. I have other names that I call him, but not allowed to say in a public setting. Mrs. T made me sign a document stating that I would remain socially acceptable when speaking of him in public places, e-mails, etc. She reminds me that he DID ask for her hand in marriage and that I agreed. I remind her that I WAS ASLEEP (probably drugged) at the time and I cannot be held responsible for what I do in my sleep. AND, I’m confident, he NEVER mentioned anything about taking her out of the country for years. Technically, he didn’t lie. But he didn’t tell the truth either. It’s now been one year since we’ve seen them and are looking forward to seeing HER again, and touring Scotland and London for three days. I’m sure HE will be around, and Mrs. T has made me sign another document stating that I will tolerate him and do him no physical harm. We’re planning on being over there for two weeks. . . I now wish I hadn’t signed that document. . .she told me that it was a “travel” document that needed my signature. . .I need to start reading her documents more closely in the future. . .

In planning for this trip I have come to grips with the fact that I have far too many gadgets and those gadgets (computer, phone, ipod, ear/eye brow/nose hair clippers, razors) all require power cords and/or car charger (I doubt that I’m the only American who suffers from gadget overload) .Trying to decide which gadgets, power cords to take and how we’re going to get them and enough clothes packed, is quite the ordeal. We currently have four suitcases, two backpacks, and Mrs. T’s purse, which in most airline guidelines will be required to be “checked” and not allowed to be carried on. And I’m sure it weighs more than fifty pounds, which is going to cost me extra. I have no idea what she has in that purse, and I no longer want to know. I wouldn’t try anyway. She had a motion detector and GPS locator installed on the purse. Whatever is in that purse seems to be important to her. . .I’m sure those three packets of Kleenex, four wet wipes, makeup bag, 34 pens and pencils, 82 ATM slips, 16 Wal-Mart receipts...all somehow have sentimental meaning to her. . .and/or she doesn’t want me to know how often she goes to Wal-Mart and the ATM machine. And, quite frankly, I no longer want to know.

And then of course, due to my old age (see ear/eye brow/nose hair clippers above) I have to make sure that I have my Metamucil. And my blood pressure medicine (see Mrs. T purse note above). And my eyeglasses for when I’m NOT wearing my contacts. And my reading glasses for when I AM wearing my contacts. And sunscreen to protect my wimpy chalky white skin resulting from working in an office for twenty-five years. And other miscellaneous items such as sunglasses, hats, motion sickness medicine, neck pillow, blackout eye coverings, and earplugs or the overnight plane trip. I sure hope I haven’t forgotten anything. But, if I take anything else, it means another suitcase. . .I’m thru packing. . .I’m exhausted. I NEED a vacation. . .