Friday Levity 07.11.2008

Mrs. T and I recently went to Washington, D.C. for a vacation. A fantastic place to visit and I would recommend it! Before leaving on the trip, I found it quite fascinating that both of my daughters (unbeknownst to each other), and in all seriousness, demanded that I be nice, behave myself and not antagonize the natives. My sons simply encouraged me to have fun and not get arrested. Very interesting gender specific perspectives by those who know me. I suppose they were essentially all saying the same thing.

Some of my observations:
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There are no longer any cab drivers of Caucasian ancestry. And, I can't prove it, but it seems there is a direct correlation in the number of cabs vs. the number of dishonest politicians. Needless to say, there are thousands of cabs! Getting a cab is never a problem. Communicating with the cab driver, however, can be. They seem to comprehend landmark names very well. You should speak loudly and clearly, almost as if yelling (KENNEDY CENTER!!!). Yelling seems to be how they communicate with each other. And cash. Cabbies understand our monetary system very well. Interestingly, regardless of age, gender or ancestry, cash seems to bring a smile to everyone's face, especially Mrs. T's. When she's having a bad day, I've always suspected she goes to the ATM for a "pick-me-up".
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A "nanosecond" is the amount of time between the traffic light changing and the person behind you honking their horn. Honking appeared to be its own form of communication, but not as a greeting (as here in the Ozarks), but rather, a warning of "pending road rage" (similar to the Princess Bride movie, in the Fire Swamp scene, the popping noise prior to the fire danger). Cabbies have zero tolerance for "rubber necking" and for people who have no idea where they are going. And, they seemed to have really embraced our right to freedom of speech, judging by the frequent use of their middle finger when communicating with me.
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When entering any building, you and your belongings will be x-rayed, searched and sometimes sniffed. If you have a problem with this, or if have a problem with being radioactive upon your return, you shouldn't go to Washington, D.C.
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Street vendors take "business casual" to the extreme. Personal hygiene, including shaving, is definitely optional (women included). Bright, flowered Hawaiian shirts were common attire, which seemed quite ironic since we're about as far from Hawaii as one could get. However, I would recommend that big store chains take notice of the efficiency at which these vendors run their businesses in a small space. A combined department, convenience and grocery store being ran from an old, rusty full sized van from one of our big three auto makers (Chevy, Dodge and Ford). Very patriotic! I'm confident that Detroit is proud to know they dominate the "mobile vending market". Shirts, dresses, scarves, hats, jewelry, umbrellas, food items, narcotics, music CD's. It's truly amazing what can be sold from an old, rusty, full-sized, American-made van with its side missing. Awning required.
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Eating establishments can be difficult to find. And when you do finally stumble across them, you tend to be so hungry and exhausted that anything sounds good. Regardless of how hungry you are, I might suggest that you bypass the "Potbelly Deli" and "Burrito Bro's".
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When gazing from Arlington Cemetery (in Virginia) across the Potomac River to the Lincoln Memorial (in Washington, D.C.), it doesn't appear to be too far away. Thus, we walked from Virginia to Washington, D.C. Of course, having never been to the Lincoln Memorial, we had no idea how massive it is. Taking a cue from my car's rearview mirror ("Objects may be closer than they appear"), and for the remainder of the trip, I repeated the following words to myself whenever I was tempted to walk instead of take the metro: "Buildings and monuments are never as close as they appear".
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Elevators are well known for invading our personal space. However, the Metro (subway) takes that to a whole new level during rush hour. I recommend using the Metro….but not during rush hour. Rubbing elbows with the natives is fine with me. However, rub me with anything else and it really starts freaking me out. Avoiding eye contact was nearly impossible because there are just too many eyes. I quickly learned to close my eyes and pretend to sleep. I also breathed through my mouth, thus eliminating the ability to smell anything...
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With regard to buildings, it is clearly obvious that "Bigger is Better". The buildings are truly massive. And it's readily apparent that granite or marble are the only choices allowed (i.e. I saw no A-Frame wood construction with vinyl siding!). Some of the restrooms even use marble in their stall partitions and privacy dividers!!! I really wanted to take a picture! However, I suppose there are times when not having a camera turns out to be a good thing. And, quite frankly, a guy snapping pictures in the men's restroom would probably make most men very uneasy...I know I would be...
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My doctor said I was paranoid... well, he didn't actually say it, but I could tell he was thinking it.
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Emery (Age 5) entertained us this week with another "Emery-ism" as reported by his mother Aimee :
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My son, Emery, came to me last night with a tightly rolled-up message asking for a bottle to put his message in. I informed him that we don’t have any – we’ve either packed it in anticipation of an end-of-month move or thrown it out. He trots off. Ten minutes later he comes back with a now-empty bottle of soy sauce excitedly telling me he found a bottle. Nice.