Friday Levity (2010.01.22)

One evening this week, I was sitting in my car at the doctor’s office, waiting on Mrs. T. An older woman, and what appeared to be her daughter and granddaughter, exited the building, crossed the parking lot and piled into the car parked next to me. They didn’t immediately start the car and leave, but I didn’t think too much of it. My car windows were opened a bit, and from what little I heard, they appeared to be sitting and visiting with each other. I was working on my computer, and paid no more attention to what they were doing. After several minutes, their horn honked…long, loud, blaring, very noticeable. I looked over at them to make sure they were okay, only to find that all three of them were sitting there staring back at me. “Very odd people”, I thought to myself, as I went back to work. Thirty seconds later, the horn again. I didn’t even look up this time. I figured if they want to sit and honk their horn, it was their business. Soon after, they started their car and left, leaving me to some peace and quiet as I was one of the last vehicles scattered around the parking lot. Shortly, thereafter, another car horn starts blaring! It was then I finally noticed my computer, being propped on the steering column as I worked, was periodically pressing down on MY horn button. Mystery solved. . .I no longer had to wonder why they had been staring at me when I looked over at them. I bet they’re still wondering why I was honking my horn at them though. They probably even had the nerve to think I was odd. I’ve been told that a human’s sense of hearing is one of the first things to go as people age. I can’t remember what it is supposed to go first, but I think it’s memory. . .I’m not sure though because I can’t remember. . .

I then decided to move to the passenger seat of the car, to make more room for my computer on my lap. When Mrs. T came out of the office, I motioned for her to drive. On the way home, I continued to work, although I tried to make conversation, knowing how females desire male conversation and interaction. I asked her what she was cooking for supper because I was starving. I also noted that I hoped we got home in time for the world news because I’ve discovered that is very relaxing, after a long day’s work, to have her cooking while I watch the news. There’s just something about pots, pan and food cooking that is comforting, as long as it doesn’t get too loud. She had mentioned, the night before, that someone needed to sweep the carpet, so I also mentioned to her that I sure hoped she didn’t try to sweep while I was watching TV this evening, because there was a big game on ESPN. And if possible, and because our dishwasher is a bit loud, I wondered if she could hold off until the game was over and I had gone to bed.

Typically, silence is golden, but never when it’s Mrs. T’s silence. Through years of experience, I have become a quick study on the danger signals associated with female body language and I quickly ascertained that I had touched a nerve, perhaps her last one. I quickly changed the subject to the stock market crash of the day, stating how important timing is, with regard to buying and selling stock. Suddenly, I heard tires screeching and a horn blasting. I jerked my head up from my keyboard in time to see the grill of a HUGE truck looming in the window of my passenger’s side door. Somehow, miraculously, a collision had been avoided. Apparently, while making a left hand turn in front of the truck, Mrs. T had miscalculated its speed, obviously thinking she had ample time to make her turn. It was probably not as close as it seemed, but the whole thing was sure scary, causing me to ponder on how things can change in a split second and what might have happened to me if that truck had actually t-boned my side of the car. I was shaken and silent as we continued on toward home.

After some time, Mrs. T finally broke the silence. “Yes, timing is everything”, she stated.

Looking back on it now, I’m thinking that she wasn’t referring to the stock market. . .



And a few funnies from my Inbox this week:
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Classified Ad from local newspaper:

09' Suzuki GSXR 1000, $9,000

This bike is perfect! It has only 1,000 miles and has had its 500 mile dealer service.

It's been adult ridden, all wheels have always been on the ground. I use it as a cruiser/commuter. I'm selling it because it was purchased without proper consent of a loving wife. Apparently "Do whatever you want." doesn't mean what I thought. Call Steve. 5555-1212.

==
An elderly parish priest was tending his garden near a convent when a passerby stopped to inquire after the priest's much-loved roses.
"Not bad," said the priest, "but they suffer from a disease peculiar to this area known as the black death."
"What on earth is that?" asked the passerby, anxious to increase his garden knowledge.
"Nuns with scissors”, he replied.

==
True story:

When my two boys were aged 3 and 5, we moved to a country town. Next door was a vacant block and beyond that a house where an old man lived with his very old sister.

One day my sons wandered over and talked to the man over his fence. Soon they came running into the house very excited.

“Mum, guess what the man next door is doing?”

“What?”, I asked.

“He's minding his own business!!!”, was their animated reply.

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"The next great civilization to arise was Ancient Greece, which came up with an exciting new governing concept called "democracy," from the Greek words dem, meaning "everybody gets to vote," and ocracy, meaning "except, of course women, slaves and poor people." -Dave Barry