Friday Levity 2008.12.12

For those who share a commute to work with someone, you know that the level of complexity, and the need for logistics, are dramatically increased, typically in direct proportion to the number of people sharing the commute. However, if you are lucky enough to share a commute with your spouse, the complexity and logistics are at a much different level. A higher level. A level where there is danger around every corner (no pun intended). A level which has populated the infamous "doghouse"for centuries. Quite frankly, ANY type of commute with a spouse and/or family members requires much diligence on the male's part, to avoid an extended stay in the doghouse.
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I typically do not commute with MrsT but I did one day this week. And, I'm in the doghouse. It's actually Wal-Mart's fault , because she's very familiar with the store layout and she was in a hurry and she knew where everything is at WalMart (as she should since she is there so often!). But, alas, I've gotten ahead of myself. Let me backup and explain.
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I didn't know we were going Wal-Mart until we were already on the road. We were already running late, but I was making good progress in overcoming the deficit. It was then that she informed me that she needed to get some medicine for her cold. I was okay with that. Like, let's get real, how was I going to argue with that??? As I pulled into the WalGreens parking lot, I suggested that we stop there since it has convenient parking by the front door and it was right on the way. MrsT informed me that she not only needed some medicine but also needed a holiday ornament for the gift exchange at her work holiday party, which, we would BOTH be attending that night (I'm come to the conclusion that a holiday work party is second only to a family reunion for the number of people you don't know and quite frankly, people you probably don't want to know). A holiday party that I had previously been told about, and which I been told I would be attending, but I had sort of forgotten about. So, here I am, running late for work, and NOW, I'm pulling out of the Walgreens parking lot, heading for Wal-Mart at 6:30am in the morning! To shop for holiday ornaments!!! If my 4 cylinder Honda Accord could have burned rubber, I probably would have done it! But instead, I had to settle for running through all five gears of my manual transmission within 5 seconds and 50 feet of the Walgreens parking lot. I rationalized to myself that I was driving so fast because a car almost ran over me from behind when I pulled out in front of it.
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Unfortunately (for me), on the drive to Wal-Mart, I may have said a few things which were not in the holiday spirit. I seem to recall that I told her I was NOT going to participate in a gift exchange for stupid ornaments when we already had a tree full of ornaments! And I know I said some other things, but I can't recall them. I'm sure Mrs.T could give you the details of each and every thing I said. And you could ask her twenty years from now, and you would still receive that same level of detail.
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Obviously, it was a time when I should have just kept quiet and drove the car. Actually, I should probably always just keep quiet and drive. And, if you combine all of this tension with her not feeling well, well, suffice to say, after the shopping was done, the remaining, but short commute to her workplace, was a frigid one. The door on my car might not ever be the same. I think it would be fair to say that she shut the car door with more gusto than normal, as she exited the car. But, hey, perhaps she was just pumped up and was excited about getting to work and she will forget the entire episode. I choose to believe that. It gives me hope and it makes my time in doghouse pass more quickly…
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Some subject lines from Junk Mail received recently:
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After much careful research it has been discovered that the artist Vincent Van Gogh had many relatives. Among them were:

His obnoxious brother, Please Gogh.

His dizzy aunt, Verti Gogh.

The brother who ate prunes, Gotta Gogh.

The brother who worked at a convenience store, Stop n'Gogh.

The grandfather from Yugoslavia, U Gogh.

The brother who bleached his clothes white, Hue Gogh.

The cousin from Illinois, Chicah Gogh.

His magician uncle, Wherediddy Gogh.

His Mexican cousin, Amee Gogh.

The Mexican cousin's American half brother, Grin Gogh.

The nephew who drove a stage coach, Wellsfar Gogh.

The constipated uncle, Cant Gogh.

The ballroom dancing aunt, Tan Gogh.

The bird lover uncle, Flamin Gogh.

His nephew psychoanalyst, E Gogh.

And his niece who travels the country in a van, Winnie Bay Gogh.

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CHRISTMAS CAROLS FOR THE PSYCHOLOGICALLY CHALLENGED...

* 1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?

* 2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are

* 3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas

* 4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

* 5. Manic - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....

* 6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me

* 7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

* 8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

* 9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?

* 10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - - - Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle,Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells