Friday Levity 2008.11.14

I have a nemesis. Well, okay, as you might suspect, I have many. But one in particular will probably haunt me the rest of my life: Lids on containers. Especially lids on containers in the refrigerator. And most especially, lids which screw on. My entire family accuses me of NEVER replacing lids correctly. I personally suspect that my children intentionally leave lids loose, just to watch me get in trouble with MrsT. I will be the first to admit that I perhaps have not put a lid back on...once…MAYBE twice…but is it fair that I get the blame EVERY time? Recently, a jar of pickles overturned in the refrigerator, but it wasn't discovered for awhile because it was WAY in the back behind all the leftovers and it apparently leaked very slowly. Ha! The lid was MOSTLY on! Thus, IF I were actually guilty of this incident, then I should have gotten some credit! Ultimately, there was pickle juice from top to bottom in the refrigerator, including those silly drawers at the bottom which hold healthful stuff that we never eat anyway. It was also ruled that I was at fault for placing the jar on the top shelf, instead of in the door where it belonged. Did I do it? I can't recall. Old age is the pits because I can seldom defend myself because I can seldom remember anything. In these kangaroo trials, I typically have hecklers (my children and their insignificant others) who enjoy observing the judge (MrsT) deliver a swift, immediate and guilty verdict. Seriously, what is the big deal about some pickle juice in the refrigerator? I personally thought it was very pleasing to the senses to open the door and have the smell of dill pickles wafting out…
.
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see a blonde behind the wheel knitting!

Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled "PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
.
.
.
"Knock, knock"
"Who's there?"
"Control Freak - now you say, "Control Freak who?"
.
.
.
Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives:

The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

A dog's parents never visit.

Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.

Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"

Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.