Friday Levity 05.02.2008

I woke up around midnight last evening and couldn't get back to sleep. I was hungry, so I headed for the kitchen for a midnight snack. Of course, if I had awakened at 11pm or 1am (or any other time) it would still be a midnight snack. "Midnight snack" is a generic term, so as a FYI, you should never get hung up on the name. Essentially, if you wake up, and you're hungry, go get a midnight snack, even if it's in the middle of the day after waking up from a nap. Back to last night. To keep from disturbing people, I didn't turn on any lights. There is something very peaceful about the quietness of the kitchen late at night, with only the hum of the refrigerator to be heard and the refrigerator light illuminating my search. I sometimes envision myself as a spy, on a covert mission (especially when I'm on a diet and not supposed to be snacking). Last night, I concluded that our refrigerator has turned into just another storage unit, similar to closets, cabinets, attics, garages and the car trunk. Of course, the things stored in a refrigerator can't be stored in those other storage places because it would smell after only a short time whereas it will typically take 2-3 days in a refrigerator before something starts smelling. I've saw things in our refrigerator last night that could have been entered in a science fair and probably would have won a blue ribbon. There was a bowl of green stuff which I'm confident wasn't green when initially stored. I wonder if eggs have an expiration date, because if they do, I think we have a carton of eggs in the back of the refrigerator that may need to be thrown away. Last night, I had my heart set on some homemade Guacamole dip. I knew we had made it several days ago and was hoping to find some leftovers. However, I should note that Guacamole dip is somewhat dangerous when stored since it is green to begin with. Thus, one needs to exercise caution, especially if it's been stored for awhile. You need to avoid anything with a fuzzy texture and a different shade of green. After last night, I do not recommend eating stored guacamole as a late night snack in a dimly lit kitchen. Without good light, mold is almost indistinguishable from guacamole dip. I can also tell you that mold on the roof of the mouth causes a strange sensation. Kind of like a fuzzy spider crawling up your neck, except it's on the inside of your mouth. Luckily, I didn't inhale. Listerine mouth wash doesn't specifically say that it kills mold and mildew, but I think it does…especially if you use enough of it. And as a side bonus, although still hungry, I had refreshingly clean breath when I went back to bed. Although she never said anything, I think Mrs. T probably wondered why I got up at midnight returning a short time later with Listerine breath. But over the years I'm sure she has learned that worrying about my antics is not typically time well spent…especially if she could be sleeping instead...
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An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, 'They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.'
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A police recruit was asked during the exam, “What would you do if you had
to arrest your own wife?” He answered, “Call for backup.”
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Daddy's Gonna Eat Your Fingers

This one is for all of you who:
a) have kids
b) had kids
c) was a kid
d) know a kid!

As I was packing for my business trip, my 3-year old daughter was having awonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, "Daddy look at this," as she stuck out two of her little fingers.
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Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy’s gonna eat your fingers!", pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again.
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When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.
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I asked, "What's wrong, honey?"
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She replied, "What happened to my booger?"