As most of you know I have two daughters. The oldest is through college, employed and married. The other is in college, unemployed (most of the time) and not married (she better not EVEN be thinking about marriage yet! I can't afford it and neither can she!). Thus, both gals are away from home most of the time except when they come home for a day or two on the weekend to spend quality time with me and Mrs. T. Secretly, I suspect they are actually home for the free food and laundry service, but I don't question why as long as they show up once in a while. They do call during the week at various times (no scheduled times of course!). It's nice to hear from them when they finally think of their parents and decide to call us. But they ALMOST NEVER call me unless they have exhausted all other contacts. They ALWAYS try Mrs. T's cell phone first. And if they are forced to call the house phone, and if I answer, I suspect they're behind the "hang up" calls I get. And at times, I have suspected them of disguising their voices and acting like a telemarketer, knowing that I'll hang up on them immediately. It seems they would rather talk with Mrs. T about clothes they don't have but want to buy, department store sales that are happening (or about to happen), the intelligence (or lack thereof) of the male species. And they giggle and laugh about things I don't even want to know about. Even though I'm not involved in the conversations, it is very easy to tell that their conversations contain TMI (Too Much Information) especially with regard to female complications, female products and female biology. On those very rare occasions when they do actually talk to me, I want to know if their cars are making any strange noises, have they checked the oil in their car, have they changed the oil recently, are the tires property inflated, do the tires need rotated, have they washed the salt off the car (in the winter), do they have an ice scraper (in the winter) and is the insurance card in the glove box. And if motor oil or beef jerky are on sale, I let them know where. I suppose I'm just too practical for the female mind…
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Actual answers from students on music tests:
- The principal singer of nineteenth century opera was called pre-Madonna.
- Gregorian chant has no music, just singers singing the same lines.
- Sherbet composed the Unfinished Symphony.
- Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel; if they sing without music it is called Acapulco.
- A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.
- Contralto is a low sort of music that only ladies sing.
- I know what a sextet is but I'd rather not say.
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Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good...mostly A's and a couple of B's. However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."
Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother."
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A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything they say happens at home."
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6th Grader History Notes:
Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
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Sir Francis Drake circumsized the world with a 100-foot clipper.
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Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
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I'm a high-school geometry teacher, and I started one lesson on triangles by reading a theorem. "If an angle is an exterior angle of a triangle, then its measure is greater than the measure of either of its corresponding remote interior angles."
I noticed that one student wasn't taking notes and asked him why.
"Well," he replied sincerely, "I'm waiting until you start speaking English
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Student course reviews at semester end
= The course was very thorough. What wasn't covered in class was covered on the final exam.
= The class is worthwhile because I need it for the degree.
= I would sit in class and stare out the window at the squirrels. They've got a cool nest in the tree.
= Information was presented like a ruptured fire hose-spraying in all directions-no way to stop it.
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A college student wrote a letter home:
Dear folks,
I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money. I feel ashamed and unhappy to have to ask you for another hundred, but every cell in my body rebels. I beg on bended knee that you forgive me.
Your son,
Marvin.
P.S. I felt so terrible I ran after the mailman who picked this up in the box at the corner. I wanted to take this letter and burn it. I prayed that I could get it back. But it was too late.
A few days later he received a letter from his father. It said, "Your prayers were answered. Your letter never came."
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